Commas can be a writer’s best friend, but lately I’ve seen too many sentences like this one:
Left-handed pitcher, Todd Jones, won 10 games for the Mariners last season.
Wyoming naturalist, John Smith, attended the reception.
Why commas in those sentences? In my opinion, inserting those two mental pauses disrupts the flow of the sentence. When that happens, the reader may stop.
The commas are not necessary. Both sentences seem to treat the proper names “Todd Jones” and “John Smith” as appositives, not as the subjects of the sentences. An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that immediately follows and renames another noun or noun phrase. “Todd Jones” and “John Smith” qualify, I suppose, but as the Associated Press Stylebook notes, “A decision on whether to put commas around a word, phrase or clause used in apposition depends on whether it is essential to the meaning of the sentence (no commas) or not essential (use commas).”
In the sentences above, surely the names of the pitcher and senator are essential. So dump those commas. To keep these sentences grammatical and improve their flow, they could be rewritten in one of two ways:
Todd Jones, a left-handed pitcher, won 10 games for the Mariners last season.
John Smith, a Wyoming naturalist, attended the reception.
This is a more traditional use of the appositive, adding more specific description to the proper noun that precedes it. While the nonessential phrase “left-handed pitcher” and “Wyoming senator” could be dropped without destroying the sentences, the reader’s pause for the comma is shorter, less pronounced. The reader is willing to put up with the pause because the words and pause seem natural, like everyday speech.
However, my editing preference would be the leaner versions below, which eliminates the need for commas:
Left-handed pitcher Todd Jones won 10 games for the Mariners last season.
Wyoming naturalist John Smith attended the reception.
Putting the adjective phrase before the noun is terser, quicker to the point. Writing is all about establishing rhythm and flow, making the words easy to follow. When your ideas are strong, editing can make them stronger. See what a good editor can do for your writing.